What Dreams May Come?

As I sit here, welcoming the New Year, I begin to think of how life can be the most precious of things and the most tragic at the same time.

This year has seen some tragic times in my family, with the loss of two of its members. The year started off with some hope of getting a great teaching job, but as the year moved on it seemed apparent that I would just have to take the scraps that were given to me. Then my family had two very fun celebrations where we were able to forget about the pain for a few minutes and begin to celebrate each other again!

I was given a teaching job for four months that would show me who I really am, and what I am made of. I would make such a strong connection with five year olds that it now tears me to pieces, even thinking about leaving them in three weeks.

I sat with my family tonight on the coast, watching home videos from my mother, and aunt and uncle’s childhood. Seeing these shadows from the past really got me thinking about the brevity of life and how it truly is the greatest gift, and biggest burden of all!

I don’t know what the New Year holds for us, but I think I need to stop looking at what life is going to bring to me, instead wonder, who is the New Year going to lead me towards. What joys will I bring to those around me and how can I lighten the burden for those that need it? In the end it wont matter what job I got, or where I lived or the amount of money I made. The most important thing will be, did I make the world brighter or darker for those around me?

This is not easy for me to say, since I still am heart broken over not being able to be with my kindergartners for the rest of the year. I am uncertain of my future and if I will get a job this next year. I am anxious for what lies ahead, but if I focus on my affect on the present, then I believe my own burdens will be lightened, and I will enjoy the grace that God gives me on a daily basis.

This entire thought process started forming last night when I had a dream:

I came back to school after the winter break. When I walked into the classroom it was completely different than what I had left in December. There were gymnasium style mats all over the room, with small squares of carpet covering the mats. The children were running around and being disrespectful to me. I walked around the school trying to get support and no one was showing that they cared. There are more details in the dream, but the main idea is that I was deeply troubled.

When I woke up I immediately knew the message of the dream: I feel like my life is unpredictable right now, and I don’t feel like there is anyone that can do anything about it.

Being a control freak I considered what I can control in this scenario. Can I control my situation right now, no. All I can control is my focus. Focus on what you can control and the rest will fall into place, think of all the time you’ll save from not worrying over the uncontrollable!

Some great things will happen this year, and some tragic things will happen. The component that decides how people remember it is all about focus. What is your focus this year?